How To Make An RPG (For Lazy Bastards)
by Stev
Summary: Okay, One, this took me a good four years to upload because god hates me and so does the internet. So you better lose at least three hundred points of IQ or I'll cry! This is my first FanFic on the site, and weel, Read It, Love it, and criticize it.


How To Make made  
  
  
  
  
  
(^.^) AN (^.^)  
  
  
  
R . P . G  
  
  
  
(For Lazy Bastards)  
  
  
  
By:SeijunZenshou@aol.com (Stev)  
  
Authors Note: OH OH I GET TO DO A DISCLAIMER! NONE OF THE CHARACTERS MENTIONED AND OR THAT ARE MENTIONED BELONG TO ME.....EXCEPT STEVE! CUASE HE IS GOD!....Right, well I'mma stop with the caps cause it's annoying and stupid. Upon glancing at this page, you'll have noticed a huge decline in your intelligence. Hey, IT WAS YOUR FAULT, YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE SURGEON GENERALS PROFILE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU R SCREW-ED NOW! S'MOFUCKA! ...err Enjoy the rest of the fic, or umm the fic itself. And remember. Read it, love it, and criticize it.....OR I"MMA COME AFTER YOU WITH MY CHICKEN STICK OF DOOM!  
  
1.Scenery:  
  
First off you need to have a world map. The map must, and this is a HUGE must, look like what an infant would do to a box of animal crackers. Oddly shaped contenents and even odder placement of these lands. Not to mention a really stupid name like "Worldland". Of course you need towns with names that sound like a middle eastern country, like Iranistan. Now you must add environments, mainly all you could think of. Such as a bigass city, Slums (Don't forget to include hobos), Deserts, The arctic, and forests. Feel free to add more to extend game time. Remember to add at least three areas that does the player absolutely no good, and are nearly impossible to reach. Call these little nuggets of joy "Sidequests".  
  
  
  
2.Plot:  
  
Note that this "IS NOT NECESSARY". Of course it adds a bit to the fun. So heres a bit of help on what you should have if you wish to include this in your R.P.G. First, you must have a character with no past, who falls in love with another character of the opposing sex (See section 3 for specifics on this character). Now at least once (of course you could be annoying and have it happen more then this), The character "In love" with your main character MUST be captured. Add in a god-like main boss, with a plot to take over the world that can (and should) be stolen from the Power Rangers. There ya go, R.P.G plot perfection.  
  
  
  
3.Characters:  
  
Characters are some of the most important elements in an R.P.GYour character should have something that makes him stand out. Like, spiky hair, a scar on the face, or an extensive bulge in his pants, be creative. Now of course he has to weild a sword, as it has been deamed like "The weapon of leaders" or some crap like that. This character MUST be a mute. He will only be allowed to voice his oppinion in horribly acted sharades, well except of course it is a question for the player to answer. There should be a positive answer like "Yes" a negative answer like "No" and a wise ass answer like "Why the fuck do i care?" Lastly the main character must be a duesche bag!!! The second character should be fully dressed, with breasts well above a D-cup, She must be a goody goody, and a real pain in the ass. Her stats should be far below everyone elses stats. As stated before, she must die or be captured at one point in the game. Now you need but one final character! He must be the coolest character in the game. Lovable, funny, and always making the main chara look gay. Now, something horrible must happen to him.......like DEATH (Rest in peice Steve, You Da Man!). Now your free to add umimportant side characters to waste space. Like a whore, an idiot, a bitch, a demon, a strong silent type guy, and or a black guy. Once you have the necessary three, the rest don't matter! Now of course, you need those lovely nuggets of repetitve annoyance, The victory dances! Heres a freebie for that pathetic female character. Have her twirl about her weapon, make her feel good about her self by looking impressive for a few seconds. Then let her throw it into the air, and upon coming back down, let it connect with her face, for more comedy, let it impale her skull, and have the rest of the party members point and laugh. It'll slap your game on the top RPG's ever list, even if the rest of the game sucks!  
  
  
  
4.Monsters:  
  
Ah, and now for those annoying little bastards that pop up out of nowhere right after freaky screen distortians that lead you to beleive that you are tripping on acid.  
  
Of course in the beggining they must be horrendously stupid, like "Rabid Chickens" and Horny turtles". Now, by the time you reach the final conflict, there should be at least one monster called "Your New Jesus" in every encounter. Make sure they appear at the most inconvenient points in the game, like every two paces. Now, just to keep those rabid lawyers away, you should have already existing monsters, and rename them, like taking a vampire, and renaming it "BIG OOGLY FANGY THING!".  
  
  
  
5.Bosses and Villains:  
  
Now for the horribly annoying creatures that tend to size in at around 100 to 1000 times the size of your characters. Now as you approach these wonders, you must engage in a horribly stupifying conversation that should roll on like this "At last we have found you big evil cuddly bear!" and then the boss should respond with a corny line like "No you have found nothing but your doom.........A!".In reality these bosses are only there to "Piss YOU Off", with attacks that can waste a single party member at a time. Remember, the final boss should have a horribly annoying Labrynth that spans several hundred acres. and Have an overly eloborate super weapon that he made from his very first Erect-A-Set. Now the golden rule of bosses is, the final boss must! Must transform at least 1-100 times in a final battle that lasts.....about one to three years, on average.  
  
  
  
6.Items:  
  
This is a fairly simple element, and perhaps the most fun. Lets start with the always necessary health pick up items. You should give them odd names, like "Soda of Feeling Betterness". For status cures, try "Water of Soberness". Then for those items that bring back the pussies that couldn't take getting impaled six times by the spork weilding dragon of stuff try "Wake The Fuck Up! Candy". As for weapons and armor, be creative try things like "Sword of Circumsizing" and "Cup of Testicular Fortitude". Remember to include a secret weapon that takes you 6 hours to get, just to lift your attack stat +1 over the best weapon you can buy in a shop. Then you need those attack items. Items like "A pebble" and "Stick of Whacking".  
  
  
  
7.Mini-Games:  
  
Last but not least, are those pointless mini-games that earn you fifty cents a win. Games like simon, where the instructor will say odd shit like "Press A+B to kick me in the groin!". Or you could have old arcade favorites like "Whack-A-Dueche" and "Shoot The Annoying Kids Party Place Mascot (Special guest:Chucky Cheese)".  
  
  
  
(This is dedicated to Steve Burnside, From Resident Evil:Code Veronica (X). Who unfortunatly fell under the cool characters list. Causing him to die a horrible and dramatic death. We Love Ya Man, Rest In Polygonal Peice!!) 


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